BLOOMINGTON -- An event this Sunday afternoon will encourage conversation about something no one ever seems to want to talk about: death and dying.
Carley Cotner of Normal, an end-of-life doula and founder of Reverent Partings, plans to host a "Death Café" event from 2 to 3:30 p.m. Sunday, Sept. 15, at the Blooming Life Studio & Spa, 2412 E. Washington St. in Bloomington.
An end-of-life doula is someone who helps guide a person who is dying, while also helping their loved ones through the process. This may include legacy projects to remember the one who is dying, meditation, dementia care and more.
"Death is uncomfortable. People don't like to talk about it," Cotner said. "(There are) natural processes that occur when someone is actively dying every day; it's scary."
People are also reading... Meet The Pantagraph's 20 Under 40 for 2024 Week 2 high school football score updates for games throughout Central Illinois Vote for the Pantagraph's Week 2 High School Player of the Week Rivian moves toward potential expansion across the street from Normal plant Flick: A wedding to not forget ... even if you weren't there Police: Altercation reported at Normal Community High School Police say a body has been found at recycling center in Normal Staff vacancy forces abrupt closure of Bloomington day care; reopening planned Bloomington city officials prepare to close down tent encampment Bloomington police investigate shots fired near Veterans Parkway 2 teens arrested after shooting on the west side of Bloomington 2 men detained on cocaine charges in McLean County New e-bike shop is the latest to join growing transportation trend in Bloomington-Normal Here's how Normal Community overcame Normal West in the Intercity matchup Nine takeaways from Week 2 of the Bloomington-Normal high school football season
Cotner, who has a background in health care and currently works at Associates in Dermatology in Bloomington, trained with the International End-of-Life Doula Association over the summer and is now working to obtain her certification.
She said she introduces herself as an end-of-life doula as opposed to a death doula because it sounds less harsh, though the terms can be used interchangeably.
"I had begun classes to become a birth doula, and it's wonderful and beautiful, (but) it was just not for me," she said. "I Googled 'death doula' one night ... and so many things came up."
Cotner said this was how she first discovered the doula association, where she ended up applying for a scholarship and taking classes.
End-of-life care was also something she encountered in her previous role as an activity director for The Loft Rehabilitation and Nursing in Normal. Cotner said her job there was to keep the residents upbeat, happy and active, she noticed that their families struggled when it was time for staffers to leave at the end of their shifts.
She added The Loft had, and still has, a "hospice cart" containing comfort items for families putting their energy into caring for their loved ones. The carts included things like protein bars, tissues, breath mints, bottled water, sodas, ice buckets, and coloring books and crayons for kids.
Around this time, Cotner said she was also remembering being in the hospital with her grandfather at the end of his life.
"(It) killed me emotionally and physically, it was so hard," she said. "Hospice is great, but I didn't know that it wasn't round-the-clock care," she said of what made her realize there was a need for this kind of role.
Listen now and subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | RSS Feed | SoundStack | All Of Our Podcasts
Sunday will mark the second Death Café event Cotner has hosted; the first was in July, also at Blooming Life Studio.
Blooming Life owner Kim Hayes said she had found a Facebook post from Cotner looking for a place to host her Death Cafes, and she reached out to suggest her business, as she describes it as a place for healing and wellness.
"Once I met with Carley and learned her story and what the Death Café represents, I was super excited to be able to offer the space," Hayes said. "It's such an important topic, and we both would like to offer a space where some of the taboo nature ... can be stripped away, and we can all just be real and honest about our feelings around death and the process."
Cotner described the Death Café as a group discussion on death, dying and everything in between.
"(During the July event) we did have some people touch on, how do we discuss (death) with our parents ... because they are aging. (People) want to respect their parents' wishes, but don't know what they are," Cotner said. "I hope they left with the courage to continue pestering their parents in a gentle, loving way so they can have this conversation."
While the discussions are heavy, Cotner said there also are lighthearted and humorous moments, and that it's important to find the joy when talking about difficult topics.
"We had a really lovely turnout the first time and everyone ended up feeling comfortable enough to share something, so it was really amazing," Hayes said. "Blooming Life is always a judgment-free zone, so anyone can feel safe coming into the space, whether they'd like to share or just be there to listen."
Hayes said she would definitely like to host Death Cafés on a regular basis.
Sunday's event is free, and registration is optional via Facebook. Coffee, tea and snacks will be available during the event.
Those who are interested in Cotner's end-of-life doula services can visit her "Reverent Partings" website.
Watch now: Cutting the ribbon at Blooming Life Studio & Spa Kim Hayes, founder and instructor Kim Hayes showing off the float pod The float pod contains 900 lbs of Epsom salt Marshall Elkin, Joel Ramseyer Suzi Nafziger, Krista Rawlings, Brooke Fenske Tracy Patkunas, Kim Mishler, Heather Miller, Kate Burcham Getting ready to cut the ribbon Founder Kim Hayes Kim Hayes, Chad Painter Jen Johnson, Hillary McFeeters, Michael Fogle, Amanda Black Kim Baker with a coat from Fig n Thread Ted Wolf, Amanda Jones Michael Fogle, Andrea Arduini, Joel Ramseyer Float pod (a sensory deprivation tank) Kellie Franks, Beth Skolmoski, Ashley Brown Tim Mollet, Cathleen Hays, Kim Hayes Scott Stella, Michael Powell, Andrea Arduini Amy Miller, Denise Evans Michael Kaufman, Emily Holcomb
Contact Olivia Jacobs at 309-820-3352. Follow Olivia on Twitter: @olivia___jacobs
Love 0 Funny 0 Wow 0 Sad 0 Angry 0
Get local news delivered to your inbox!
Subscribe to our Daily Headlines newsletter.
Sign up! * I understand and agree that registration on or use of this site constitutes agreement to its user agreement and privacy policy. Olivia Jacobs
Newsroom Assistant
Author email Follow Olivia Jacobs Close Get email notifications on {{subject}} daily! Your notification has been saved. There was a problem saving your notification.
{{description}}
Email notifications are only sent once a day, and only if there are new matching items.
Save Manage followed notifications Close Followed notifications Please log in to use this feature Log In Don't have an account? Sign Up Today