Our puppy, Oliver, never ceases to amaze me. He is now a bit more than a year old. That's supposed to be 7 in human years (though I've read smaller species translate to more like 5 human years for every 1 puppy year).
However, I don't recall any of my children continuing to perform crazy antics into their school years. In fact, none of my human children ever went through the stage of eating - or trying to eat - things that were not intended for human consumption. I will admit Cat spent a week trying to eat the various berries in our yard - lariope (Monkey Grass), pyracantha and holly - but she gave that up after one try with each.
By and large the humans in my life quickly recognized they didn't really want to partake of things that didn't taste good.
Then again, sometimes even if it does taste good (Oliver has a serious sweet tooth), it may not be in the best interest of a dog to chew on it. In my past relationships with dogs, I was never aware of the many foods people eat that dogs should not. We all know about chocolate, but there are so many other things: Xylitol, a sweetener in some baked goods (as well as candies, toothpaste, gum., etc.) can cause liver failure. Avocados, so popular right now (though not for me) can cause vomiting or diarrhea. As in humans, alcohol can affect the liver or cause coordination problems, breathing issues, coma or death. Onions and garlic, mainstays in many a human's diet, can kill red blood cells, resulting in anemia. Caffeine can be fatal. Grapes or raisins can cause kidney failure. Macadamia nuts, a favorite of mine, even as few as six of them, can make a pup sick. (One symptom is weakness in the back legs.)
So why can't a puppy at least figure out how to distinguish between actual foods and other things?
I've reported already that Oliver will attempt to eat anything that may smell of food - used paper plates or paper towels or napkins. But in reality, no paper is safe. I cannot place a piece of newspaper where Oliver can reach it, or he will grab it and chew it into hundreds of pieces. This is also true of the mail. He can't wait until I've opened and read a missive before he treats it as a mortal enemy and shreds it to bits.
He also loves shoes. I suppose this could indeed be a matter of smell - an odor that, for some reason, the puppy finds alluring. He has curbed his appetite for shoes somewhat, since he ate three pairs of flip flops in a matter of days, but we still can't leave a pair of socks in his path. He will chew on them and then try to hide them in the sofa or in my bed.
But what's the deal with hard, totally tasteless, odorless items? Oliver loves plastic bottles. It doesn't really matter what was in one. He will fight you for its possession "to the death," so to speak. And a new fetish is soft drink cans. These are particularly worrisome as he not only can puncture holes in the aluminum sides, but I fear he might somehow pop the metal tab off and swallow it.
I've also lost untold numbers of pens since Oliver joined our family. And he instinctively knows that if the pen clicks, he goes for the clicker first - then you can't get the writing point out so you can use it. Failing that, he chews the pointy end until he manages to close the opening over the pen point, so again, it is rendered useless.
And when he has taken possession of any contraband, he knows to immediately take it behind the couch. Or, if he wants to be chased. He will race around the sofa or a chair, maintaining just enough distance that requires two people to corner him between us in order to snatch the proscribed item from his jaws.
I suppose the good news is that when I'm chasing him around, I'm at least getting a little exercise. But I'm forever hopeful that someday he'll find the food in his dish more attractive than all those other things.
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