GENTLE READER: Do not believe those who advise you to swallow them whole.

That is, unless you want your fellow diners grabbing you from behind, or standing around and desperately trying to remember what they were taught in first-aid class.

Slippery little cusses that they are (the oysters, not your fellow diners), they can be speared with that tiny fork that Miss Manners trusts you were issued. Very large oysters can even be halved with the edge of that fork, although not easily. And no, you cannot use the shell as a spoon except at very informal occasions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)