DEAR ABBY: My husband died a year ago, after a nine-year battle with dementia. I recently met a man, "Richard," whose wife is in the end stages of dementia, which could last for several months or for several years. We have fallen for each other and are a great fit.

We are keeping our relationship from his children since dealing with their mother's slow death seems traumatic enough. Richard's siblings know and are thrilled to see their brother gain a bit of happiness again. My family knows, but their evangelical Christian stance is black and white -- to them, I am an "adulteress."

It's painful to be distanced from my family, but I feel joy and hope when I am with Richard. Should I cool it until his wife passes? We are in our mid-60s and we're afraid of running out of time. By the way, Richard is financially well off. He pays a team of caregivers to be with his wife during the day, and he is with her at night. He wants to keep her home as long as he is able. I admire and love him. Am I wrong? -- WAITING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WAITING: You and Richard are in your 60s -- you're not exactly over the hill. He spends time with his ailing wife and sees to it that she's taken care of when he cannot be with her. If you find comfort in each other and his wife is not neglected, I don't think you are doing anything wrong. Then again, I am not an evangelical Christian. If, however, you feel it's necessary to live your life according to standards other than your own, discuss it with Richard, and perhaps "cool it" until his wife is gone.

** ** **

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

** ** **

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)