Jesus Himself admonished us many times to forgive. As Christians, forgiveness is a part of our beliefs. But while no Christian could deny the value of forgiveness, we also admit how difficult it can be.
How do you forgive someone who has hurt you so deeply? Or how do you forgive the person who isn't even asking for forgiveness?
We are sometimes paralyzed by the immensity, if not the seeming impossibility of the task.
Yes, we want to forgive those who have offended us. We want to obey God's commands. But how do we do it?
Perhaps we can start by thinking about some of the reasons why we find it hard to forgive.
Below are two primary points that can hold us back from forgiving those who have offended us:
Let's face it. No one who has ever suffered from the need to forgive has ever thought that the offender's actions are just.
We feel unable to forgive because we think that what has been done to us is something totally "unfair".
Where is justice in this world? If we just let someone get away with his sins, wouldn't it be consenting to the injustice done?
Let's visualize someone spreading gossip about you and talking behind your back. You even thought this person was your friend, but you found out later on the negative things she's been saying about you.
Because of this person's actions, your reputation was ruined for some people. You may have even lost some projects and opportunities because of the harmful gossip she started.
How do you begin forgiving her when you think it's so unfair to just let her go? This is especially true when that person doesn't even admit one's wrongdoing.
We find it hard to forgive because we have been wounded along the way. The offense against us has hurt us deeply. We have suffered because of one person's offense against us.
How do we even forget when we're still suffering from the pain of our wounds? Shouldn't the person who caused those wounds be responsible also for healing them?
Sometimes, we don't want a simply apology. We feel betrayed whenever we think someone could easily walk away while we are left on our own to bear the consequence of their actions.
In this case, forgiveness is hard because of the wounds that still need to be healed.
The unfairness of the act as well as the wounds inflicted upon us make it very difficult to forgive right away. Somehow, we want some form of recompense. We want responsibility on the part of the offender.
But what if those people are incapable of giving these things to us? Should we hold on to our resentments and continue to suffer until they have a change of heart?
Holding on to our resentments may seem logical at first thought. However, if we think about it more deeply, we would realize that being unwilling to forgive would never do us any good in the end.
For as long as we don't forgive, we are allowing our offenders to trap us in the past. Instead of moving on, we dwell on our pain. Instead of seeking healing elsewhere, we allow anger to poison our hearts.
When we refuse to forgive, we continue to be more unfair to ourselves. We suffer longer and we focus on the past instead of looking forward to what can still be done.
We also fail to find healing whenever we demand that our offenders take responsibility for our pain. Quite often, they are not the ones who are capable of healing our wounds.
What we must do then is to let go of this kind of bitterness that no longer brings us any good. Let us instead seek healing and justice elsewhere.
Find healing from other people who can understand you and take care of your heart. Seek justice from God who will always do what is right.
Remember that you are not alone. It may be very difficult to forgive. But it is also the key to freedom and peace.
"Beloved, do not look for revenge but leave room for the wrath; for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.' Rather, 'if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals upon his head.' Do not be conquered by evil but conquer evil with good." - Romans 12:19-21 (NABRE)